Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
