I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
