She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
