i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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