I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize