Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
