I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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