Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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