I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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