Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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