dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
