the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
