what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
