love makes seman taste better
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
