Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
