i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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