dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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