He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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