I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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