All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
