He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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