Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
