I can text with my tongue
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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