Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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