i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
