I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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