I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
