so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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