How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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