the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
