So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
