fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
