I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think i have two assholes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
