Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
