it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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