dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
