I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
