I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
