I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
