he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize