I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
