you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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