FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
