dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
