I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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