me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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