you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
