Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
