Me. At least after what I've been through.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
