the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They have beer where we have blood.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
