ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize