Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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