I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize