I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
