Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
