I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
