I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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