I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
