I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
