New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize