And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
