She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
