My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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