my mouth tastes like poor choices
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
