He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
