I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
