I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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