i barfeds in our rink
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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