you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
