Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
