I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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