after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
